Saturday, February 05, 2005

Put Away the Security Blanket

Every day this week I woke up in time to get to work by 5:30am and said "this is the last (Monday, Tuesday, etc.) I'll have to get to work this early." It felt good. By Wednesday, hump day, I was starting to get excited. I'm writing this on Saturday, my last day of working for D&S and I have to admit I'm feeling some trepidation.

I'm about to be without a job for the first time in years. We'll be living very frugally on our trip, trying to budget ourselves to $50 a day (each), we should have enough to make it, but I'm still nervous about not having an income. It's quite a leap of faith to leave without a job and go spend most of our saved money (we'll still have a little to get back on our feet), but life is too short to not take risks! I have been dreaming of seeing the world for as long as I can remember, but oh how easy it is to sacrifice dreams on the alter of fear.

I have a degree, and almost 11 years experience. I am confident in my mind that I can find at least as good a job as I am leaving (I mean I really don't make much above minimum wage), yet my emotional self screams out that I'll have no guaranteed paycheck, nothing with which to identify myself, no structure, and basically no security. Without a job I feel like Linus without his blanket.

It's times like this when one has to ask oneself, "What is life truly about? Should a person play it safe, insuring a long, mundane existence, or live to the fullest, experiencing as much as possible." I for one must choose the latter.

When I look back upon my life I never regret those times that I tried and failed, only those times I didn't try. I can remember the times of insecurity, exploring the new, and discovering the world with sharp vividness; whereas years of work memories blend together into nothingness. In my mind the nine days Joy and I spent in Italy can be dwelt upon more than nine months of day to day living.

As I look back on my life the things that come to mind are Woodstock '94 and '99, touring the U.S. by bus and train, moving to Austin to be with Joy, our wedding day, traveling with her to Italy, Ruidoso, Niagara Falls, New York, and Boston. I remember playing music at the Kennedy Center in Washington D.C., the River Stage in San Angelo, and Checkpoint Charlie's in New Orleans. All of these memories are times when I stepped out of my comfort zone and took risks. I can't even remember the nice safe breakfast I had last Saturday.

I won't know for sure until I get there, but it seems as though it'll be very similar on my deathbed. I don't think I'll be wishing that I spent more time mowing the lawn, taking out the trash, or going to work, rather I think I'll be dwelling on the times spent with my wife, friends and family living life to the fullest.

So, when I finish work today, I will once more put away the security blanket and start making memories.

Tanner Noguess


mickie said...

We're all a little nervous about you leaving and "taking a leap of faith," but it's still the right thing for you and Joy to do. We'll all miss you terribly, but you and Joy deserve it. You've both accomplished so much and the trip will do you good. All of us back home will praying for your safety and wishing you both a wonderful time. Follow your heart Tanner, it will be amazing with enough memories to last a lifetime.
Lots of love to you both!

Billie said...

Tanner and Joy, I wish you much happiness and pleasure on this trip. I think you will realize in a new way just how wonderful America is. I hope you pick up good ideas to share with us, and possibly ways to improve our lives here. Never forget that your family loves and cherishes each of you, and we will be very glad when you have returned home!
Love You!

Levi Noguess said...

Wow! What a blog. Tanner, I'm very proud of you. I admire your free spirit and attitude. And as for your drawings...I'm speechless. You and Joy have a Great trip. Your Brother, Levi

Levi Noguess said...

PS. I guess you know I had to get my own blog so I could post a comment. I guess now I'll have a place to post my thoughts. I think.